The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans [Book Summary] - LEAPESSENCE
Written by Patricia Evans, Audiobook narrated by Annette Romano. Sign-in to download and listen to this audiobook today! First time visiting Audible? Get this. “In a verbally abusive relationship, the partner learns to tolerate abuse without realizing it and to lose self-esteem without realizing it. She is blamed by the. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans subtitle: How to Recognize It and How to Respond (). Is an examination of male.
I was totally unprepared for what happened while I read it. For months, I had been feeling a growing level of anxiety.
As I read the examples and stories in this book, I suddenly realized that I've been a vulnerable target for verbal abuse for years! I put the pieces together and saw a pattern of what had happened on a social level and even on a professional level.
More importantly, I realized an important truth: Sure, I'm not the easiest person to deal with at times. But I have never deserved to be treated the way people have treated me. I have no desire to rehash the details of what has happened to me, but I will admit that it has made this grown woman sob for hours.
It has made me feel that I had nothing to offer anybody--and that I had no intrinsic worth. It made me question for sanity.
It made me question why God had created me and why he hadn't struck me dead yet. What I'm saying is: I can't overestimate how serious this kind of abuse is. This book helped me to get my head out of the mud and see some important truths.
Most importantly, knowing that there wasn't something inherently wrong with me changed my life. My anxiety is slowly disappearing and I am learning to actually enjoy life more. Now, to the nitty gritty: It focused way too much energy on villainizing "abusers.
- The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans [Book Summary]
- The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Expanded Third Edition
Patricia Evans spent a lot of energy saying that most abusers cannot and will not change because they are fundamentally bad. My religious sentiments reject that completely.
It's comforting to a victim of verbal abuse to feel like they are completely innocent while that other person is the bad guy. I don't buy it. Every person is complex and difficult to understand. Best to leave it at that. Another important point is that this book is extremely sexist.
She has one line saying that she's just using men as an example, although men or women can be verbally abusive. That one line doesn't erase the fact that the rest of the book is man-bashing and discriminatory.
I foresee fewer men than women ever giving this book much respect. Also, this book was really repetitive. I think it could have been half as long and explained the fundamental ideas fully.
The Verbally Abusive Relationship Quotes
That wouldn't have sold as well, however. So you gotta do what you gotta do, eh? I would encourage anybody who wants to read this book to do so with a VERY open mind, trying to decide for themself what is true and what is trite.
I found some basic truths but they were wedged in with a bunch of junk, in my opinion.
Still, I'm grateful for what I learned and how it started me on a very healthy pathway. For this reason, he is always trying to make use of his power over her and does not treat her as an equal.
Despite that, she regards him as an equal. She finds it difficult to tries to understand him and work through their problems together. Physical violence can be passed down from parent to child just as emotional violence is. When a child grows up around physical or emotional violence, it may become normalized to act the same way. Verbal abuse is difficult to recognize. Verbal abuse is all the more dangerous because it is hard to identify.
The abuser denies having spoken or acted in an abusive way, which make the pain and confusion even more irritating. Under those circumstances, the victim feels the need to question herself and her perceptions. This type of abuse takes place in private; because the abuser is usually well-behaved in public. For the victim, the hardest part of addressing verbal abuse is recognizing it.
Effects of verbal abuse on the partner include a loss of self-esteem and self-trust. Other signs of verbal abuse include feeling unstable, confused, or fearful.
The longer she is abused, the more the victim loses herself. She begins to distrust herself and to believe something is wrong inside. Therefore she becomes tense and vigilant and develops a desire to run away. The victim still trusts that her abuser is well-meaning and believes that if she fixes herself, she can fix the relationship.
The Verbally Abusive Relationship Quotes by Patricia Evans
Other indicators of verbal abuse include feelings of confusion, mental dizziness, emptiness, and shock. Paying attention to feelings is also essential to recognize verbal abuse. If a woman suspects that she is the victim of verbal abuse, she should reach out to a friend or counselor for support, and advice.
At the same time, she should try to evaluate her feelings. By connecting to and believing her feelings, the victim develops self-esteem.
Once she has regained some self-confidence, the victim will be able to recognize when she is being criticized or belittled. When the victim realizes this, she should try to replace her habitual thoughts with accurate, encouraging, positive thoughts and self-talk. This method can help her boost her self-worth, recognize mistreatment, and move away from an abusive relationship. A victim should respond to verbal abuse by either leaving the relationship or by making clear to the abuser what kind of behavior is unacceptable.
If a victim decides to stay with the abuser, she can take steps to protect herself and urge her partner to change. Then she should clearly state for her partner what kind of behavior is unacceptable. The abuser may or may not change. If the abuse is severe or if the relationship is new, it is best to end the partnership.
However, sometimes financial reasons force a woman to stay with an abuser.
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond
If that is the case, the victim should try to obtain copies of important financial information and store these with a friend. She should get a copy of her credit report and check to be sure that her partner did not open any credit cards in her name.
Just before the victim leaves her partner, she should change all her passwords. Set up new bank accounts under her name, and ask for help from friends in finding a job and a new place to live. Victims of verbal abuse should try to find specially trained therapists.
When seeking a therapist, a victim of verbal abuse should assure that the practitioner is trained to identify it.