Who wears the pants in a relationship matters – especially if you're a woman
This guest article from YourTango was written by Dr. Jim Hutt. I want to talk about one of the most common complaints I hear in my office almost. The idea that during relationship conflicts, women can be just as volatile, combative and aggressive as men – what researchers refer to as. Partners in a relationship tend to balance each other out – in many cases this means that one is more dominant while the other is more.
They often feel this way because what they do is very off-putting. It generally pushes people away, and in particular it pushes you, the partner, away.
In fact, they feel very powerless, but nevertheless continue their pursuit of control. Some become loud, or critical, blurring the distinction between being powerful, versus overpowering. It reminds me of what we used to do in the Navy if we were working on a job that was not going the way we wanted: The controlling person gets from their partner a mutually dissatisfying resentful compliance.
This is also referred to as going along to get along.
9 Signs You Wear the Pants in Your Relationship
Typically, those who feel controlled by the controlling one simply want them to shut up or stop. Unfortunately, one way to do that, as for a while, is by complying.
Complying only serves to reinforce the controlling behavior, and the controlling behavior reinforces the resentment that accompanies compliance. However, if you are the career driven, go-getter type, then your man might not be at your level.
It takes a secure and smart! If you are the one dishing out dough for weekend getaways and dinners on the town, then you are very well in control.
9 Signs You Wear the Pants in Your Relationship on The Royals | E! News
He asks for permission If your man constantly confides in you about where he should go to meet up with buddies, or what he should do with a free afternoon, you might be wearing the pants more often than you think. Men are typically independent and confident in making their own decisions.Dating advice How to wear the pants Dating advice to help you wear the pants in your relationship
When this power is passed to you, it indicates that your man actually values your opinion more than his, and needs you to help him. Have you ever seen a man ask for directions? Unsurprisingly, power was skewed in favor of one partner versus being equally balanced or shared in most of their relationships.
Do You Wear The Pants In Your Relationship?
But the appearance of symmetry disappeared once we looked at the implications of these power differences. The young men and women may have been equally likely to report imbalances in their relationships and to feel subordinate in their relationships. However, the costs of feeling subordinate were not equal.
They rate different aspects of the relationships and share details and anecdotes along the way using text, emojis, images and even audio clips.
In the current study, my colleagues and I focused on one portion of the data: We tested whether the balance of power in a relationship was related to its perceived stability and intimacy. Comparable proportions of women and men reported that they had been the dominant or subordinate partner in a relationship.