Past hurts and old injustices have a way of keeping us stuck in our Moving forward may mean reconfiguring a relationship so that you are. It is possible to make getting over your ex a pain-free process . of that person won't cause the same feelings of sadness and hurt to bubble up. is relative to each relationship, moving past these negative feelings in the time. “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. There have been times when I've gotten caught up in painful memories instead of being .
But if you choose not to for whatever reason, if you feel that this is worth fighting for, these ideas may help you stay—and stay happy—in this relationship as it is: You need to be honest with yourself here: In my case, I created space to heal and then rebuilt a new, healthier relationship after the dynamics had transformed.
Though I knew this relationship could enhance both of our lives, I also knew I needed to be mindful of my expectationsas there are certain things it may never be or provide.
Determine what you need. You may feel that you can only forgive if this person fully acknowledges everything that hurt you and then takes responsibility for all of it. You may need to go to therapy, either alone or with this person.
Or it may be sufficient for you to recognize remorse in actions and then work, on your own, to release your feelings. After your needs are met, do the work to forgive. As with most emotions and choices, forgiving is something we may need to do repeatedly. You need to ask yourself if something needs to change in order for you to feel safe and happy in the relationship as it is.
Do you need to spend less time together? Do you need to be clear that certain topics are not open for discussion? Do you need to assert yourself when the other person starts talking to you in a certain way? If you suspect that someone may physically harm you, I strongly suggest you consult a professional who is trained to assist with domestic violence cases.
We want them to acknowledge what they did was wrong. But blaming someone else for our hurt can backfire, as Holly Brown notes: The problem with blaming others is that it can often leave you powerless.
How to Maintain a Relationship with a Loved One Who's Hurt You
All your feelings are legitimate. Nursing your grievances indefinitely is a bad habit, because as the title goes it hurts you more than it hurts them.
People who hold on to these past hurts often relive the pain over and over in their minds. If your heart is filled full-up with pain and hurt, how can you be open to anything new? Make the decision to let it go. Making the conscious decision to let it go also means accepting you have a choice to let it go.
To stop reliving the past pain, to stop going over the details of the story in your head every time you think of the other person after you finish step 2 below. This is empowering to most people, knowing that it is their choice to either hold on to the pain, or to live a future life without it. Express your pain — and your responsibility. Get it all out of your system at once.
Doing so will also help you understand what — specifically — your hurt is about.
Learning to Let Go of Past Hurts: 5 Ways to Move On
While you may not have had the same amount of responsibility for the hurt you experienced, there may have been a small part of the hurt that you are also partially responsible for. What could you have done differently next time?
Are you an active participant in your own life, or simply a hopeless victim? Will you let your pain become your identity? Or are you someone deeper and more complex than that?? Stop being the victim and blaming others. Yes, your feelings matter. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness, and not put such power into the hands of another person.
Why would you let the person who hurt you — in the past — have such power, right here, right now? No amount of rumination of analyses have ever fixed a relationship problem.
So why choose to engage in so much thought and devote so much energy to a person who you feel has wronged you?