Changes in your relationships after having a baby | NCT
The ways marriage can change after baby can be something of a shock. marriage problems are—and how to keep your relationship strong after having a baby. For advice on dealing with the baby blues (and with hating your partner. o more conflict and disagreement after the baby is born than they had reported before; of their marriage, having a baby can lead to a revitalized relationship. . Men's sense of themselves as Partner or Lover also shows a. Here's how to get your relationship back on track. I became obsessed with a question that had nothing to do with babies: Why was my husband so annoying?.
Saving Your Marriage After Baby: 6 Solutions to Common Problems
I envied my friends' freedom, and I took my frustration out on Brett. I'd snipe, 'No, you watch TV while I change his diaper. If Brett played poker with friends on Friday night, I'd tell him that he owed me time on Saturday to get out of the house. I missed being able to just talk to Ashley, let alone surprise her with a weekend trip to the beach. Date nights didn't happen, since we don't live near family and weren't comfortable having a stranger watch our son.
Changes in your relationships after having a baby
The lack of quality time took its toll. Both of you require "me" time to reenergize you as individuals and "we" time to keep you close as a couple. So speak up when you need a break, and arrange an hour or two for your partner to watch the baby while you hit the mall or do whatever makes you feel human again. If you're wary of using a sitter or paying for oneset up a babysitting co-op with pals or trade off with the couple next door.
- Your pregnancy and baby guide
- How to Stay Close After Baby
- 8 Shocking Ways Marriage Changes After Baby
An Rx for marriage monotony: Go on out-of-the-ordinary dates -- like a concert or hike -- as often as you can, rather than heading out for ho-hum dinners every week. You'll start to associate your relationship with fun again. And book together time at home as well to keep from drifting apart once Baby is asleep. At least once a week, they take turns watching Caleb for a few hours so the other can meet friends for dinner or just read a book.
A regular sitter still isn't an option, but they go out for dinner or a movie when their parents visit, about once a month. They also have a sofa date at 8 P. Pinterest "We fought over our finances. Money wasn't a huge issue until their expenses shot up after Sonya was born.
Marriage After Baby: 6 Solutions to Common Problems
Although Ashley wanted to quit working, the couple needed two paychecks to make ends meet. She changed nursing jobs twice in one year, taking salary cuts in exchange for more flexible hours, but continued to spend money freely.
Joshua grew concerned about having a cushion for the future. Her side "Growing up, I never had to save for something I wanted. I didn't learn the value of that.Let's Talk - Relationship Problems After Having A Baby
But I never ran up debt, and Joshua and I always paid our bills on time. Now the encouraging news: Working on your relationship pays off in spades.
Without all that energy expended read: Here's advice from experts as well as couples in the trenches on why this transition is so hard and what you can do to smooth things out. Chore Overload The issue: Domestic duties double, and so does your bickering. Of course, before there was a baby, there was still laundry. And dishes, and other loathsome household tasks.
But there were never so many things that had to be done so quickly. You can't procrastinate about chores once you have an infant. Well, I did that, so you do this. One strategy to decrease infighting: Post a list of daily chores on the fridge and switch responsibilities each week.
Everyone will know what he or she needs to do. So if you think that you're always doing 90 percent of everything, you probably are. Just remember, so is your spouse.
But men often respond better to direct requests. I know it might not seem fair because you may never get thanks, but this will make your husband more receptive to future requests. And niceties breed a less combative atmosphere. Moreover, it might be catching! Parenting Styles The issue: Your parenting styles cancel each other out. It's nice to think you'd share child-rearing philosophies, but it's often hard to predict how you'll feel about sleep, food, and discipline until you're smack in the middle of your fourth night up with baby.
This is not the ideal time to discover that while you favor a sleep-training method that lets your child cry, your spouse really can't deal with tears for any amount of time. You may also find that your parenting styles clash as you reach for the pacifier at the first sign of distress softie while your partner says no sternly when the baby starts to drum with spoons on the high-chair tray toughie.
My friends Tina and Tim Anson discovered that they differed on just about everything when it came to the baby. And he lets naps happen anywhere, anytime, too. I'd come home to see Jake sleeping in the middle of a circle of toys on the living room floor at dinnertime!
Ditto for scheduled naps. Parenting Styles Explained What worked for them was letting the other deal with the consequences of his or her method. When Tim had to stay up with Jake until all hours on a night when the baby took a 5 p. Similarly, the day Tina attempted unsuccessfully to play with Jake at his play stations while also doing some housework, she realized that having the baby play in the laundry room may be a small price to pay for actually getting the clothes washed.
On more serious issues, such as sleeping or feeding, there are ways to compromise, too. For certain things—such as when to start solids—you need to follow set guidelines. Some people call those early mood swings—likely a result of hormonal changes and sleep deprivation—the " baby blues. Your hormones will eventually balance out—but you've also got to make up your mind to snap out of your bad mood. For advice on dealing with the baby blues and with hating your partner because of themhead here.
You don't nurture your relationship the way you know you should The change "We didn't really talk about how things were going to change once we had a baby. Sure, we talked about diapers and day care and discipline and stuff like that. My husband travels for a living, so when he would come home, he would want percent of my attention, but he had to wait or try to talk over a crying baby and, now, chatty toddler.
That was hard for both of us. Mostly our challenges came from not having the time and attention for each other like we did before. So suffice it to say, a lot of stuff simply isn't going to get done. And way below the cutoff is "quality time" with your partner.
Everyone will tell you to plan a date night, but you probably won't and if you do, you might not enjoy it because your breasts are uncomfortably engorged or you might be worried about your sitter not knowing how to deal with baby's colic. How to deal There's something innate that bonds a woman and her baby, but a little time away from baby can do big things for your sanity. Remind yourself that you really should get away, even just for a little bit, and spend time with your partner, just the two of you.
It is good for your relationship. If it's hard now, just keep telling yourself to do it. Over time, it will get easier to tear yourself away from baby. It's also important to openly talk to your partner about your emotional needs. Research shows that the single largest predictor of marital happiness is how you respond to your partner's "emotional calls"—aka your attempts to connect with each other.
Marriage counseling can be a wonderful way to boost that connection and it's not just for unsatisfied couples! Sex has probably become a distant memory The change "Sex was not on the top of our list.