How to handle your relationship with your difficult mom. | My Sweet Home Life
In this type of relationship, Bristow adds, “It could be that the mother is in deeply love each other but it has been a distant, difficult relationship. In theory, mother-daughter relationships should be the closest of human relationships. In fact, they are often marked by strife over boundaries. Who has a difficult mother? flowers lurks an uncomfortable truth: many mums have complicated, damaging relationships with their offspring.
Now we no longer talk. You need your mother in a supportive, parental role. She needs to live her own life, in her own generation. You need space in your life for your own partner, and best friend mothers can become jealous of husbands or be too involved.
To have a fulfilling relationship with your partner, your mother needs to take a supportive back seat in your life. The Sunday night caller The Sunday night caller This daughter tends to call her mother weekly, and probably lives in a different city from her. These women have a good relationship but the daughter values her independence and is selective about the aspects of her life she shares with her mother.
To move away from your parents and live your own life is normal, says Bristow. It can be a sign that the relationship is strong and can tolerate distance. The question is, is there distance in more ways than one? If you were upset or thrilled by something, would you still only ring once a week? There are many things I remember about my mother when I was little.
Her hair was long and beautiful and reached down almost to her waist. She wore long skirts and my favorite one had small bells hanging off a thin cord that jingled when she walked. We had three generations of cats, a couple of budgies, the odd dog, even mice, because she never could deny us a wanted animal. Those were the positive things. There are other things I remember too.
When I gave birth to my first child at the age of 19, my mum had just been locked up in a hospital psych ward after having an altercation with the police over taking a newspaper from an honesty box. My father was barely speaking to me, and my sister was in hospital for anorexia.Narcissistic Mothers [How to Fight Guilt and Shame]
I looked at this tiny baby and wondered how I could possibly get this right when everything behind me had gone so wrong. It was so nuts it almost seemed farcical. Luckily for me, the human spirit is an incredible thing. You may have had a mother like mine. You may have had one worse.
Because we hold the role of a mother so strong in our society, I think we feel their inadequacies harder and more painfully that we do our fathers.
5 Ways to Find Peace in a Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship
We judge their behavior a lot more harshly too. And we feel their loss at so many stages of our own life cycles. But like many things in life, you have to learn how to handle the cards you have been dealt with. Once you move through the denial this relationship is perfectly normalthe anger why do you have to be like thisthe bargaining if I do this, will you love me properly then?
Everything from infertility to murderous sons, loss of husbands to violence of all kinds, famine to kingly feasts.
And, yes, difficult relationships with their mothers. You may feel trapped in the same old arguments, criticisms, patterns of behavior, ways of speaking to each other. You repeat the same conversations because you feel the same way every time you talk to her…. As daughters, we can find new parts of our mothers to cherish and fresh ways of seeing them as models. We can discover aspects of them that we will come to appreciate in different ways, especially as they need us more for their care.
And we, too, can encourage our mothers to see us as being more competent than they ever imagined.
Have you got a difficult mother?
Disheartening because it means you have to do the work…and empowering because you have more control in a difficult mother-daughter relationship than you think. Your mom is disappointing you. One Blossom Tip a week.
Surrender to your mother-daughter relationship the way it is right now…and let it be the most difficult relationship of your life. Let it be what it is. Learn how to love her from a distance if you need to.