Over functioning under relationship goals

Over-functioning and under-functioning – The Introspective Mind

over functioning under relationship goals

Over functioning means not taking care of what matters. Trying to play your man's part in the relationship as well as yours (like I did) creates tension . The Secret Dirty Truth About Men is a dual newsletter with one goal in mind – help you. Call it 'parent/child dynamics' or 'overfunctioning/underfunctioning' the result is the same—a relationship in which both partners feel resentful and The goal of this process is to make sure that couples have an open and overt. When I studied to become a marriage and family therapist, I learned of a phenomenon called “overfunctioning” – doing more than is necessary.

Stop Overfunctioning and Get The Love and Relationship You Do Deserve

So — do you deserve a red-blooded, real, strong minded, secure, responsible, respectable, thoughtful, and caring man? Or do you only deserve a shadow of yourself? Can you allow yourself to be loved by a man who can really love? Or can you only sign up with a man who makes it one-third the way to you and then expects you to pick up the slack?

over functioning under relationship goals

By always picking up the slack — and I know it always seems like what needs doing is urgent and important — what you get by doing it all yourself is mostly your own feeling of resentment. It seems so unfair to put ourselves out, to be helpful, and then get what feels like a slap in the face. And I mean anything. By always stepping in, we guarantee that our lives with our men will always be about the small stuff —- the nuts and bolts of life, and not the deep, soul-satisfying stuff that we come together in relationships and marriage to get.

If what we want is soul connection, we have to stop Overfunctioning. Our relationships have been more about pleasing others than pleasing ourselves. More about struggling and using our wits to get what we need and what we think we want than discovering what it is we really want.

Stop Overfunctioning and Get The Love and Relationship You Do Deserve

We just deserve it. If we can stop doing so much and stop resenting doing so much, our relationship will get better instead of falling apart.

over functioning under relationship goals

Each of us has learned ways to keep pain away. And those things we do and say that help keep pain away also shut out love. For some of us, feeling loved is mixed up with feeling pain. Put the responsibility for your happiness entirely on you. Has your relationship turned cold and distant? Did you find this article helpful? Share it with your friends!

I FELL IN LOVE

Want more articles like this delivered to your inbox every week? He specializes in strengthening intimate relationships. His internationally syndicated "Relationships" column is now in its 23rd year.

over functioning under relationship goals

He is the author of Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Keeping the Flame Alive. One Comment November 14, at 2: I know I am an overfunctioner and I need help. I find myself being frustrated and resentful towards my husband for his tendencies and this also affects our intimacy.

over functioning under relationship goals

Though in the 15 years we have been married I never cheated on him, I find myself thinking about it. I tried talking to him about the situation but all I get are excuses. I am currently in debt due to the mounting responsibilities and I find it hard to just stop paying for our livelihood as these are essential for our survival as a family, my children are also frustrated with him as whatever needs they have, they have to sacrifice as I work alone.

Can you please provide any advice.