The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless Versus the Rest of Us -- book review
The Sociopath Next Door is a chilling and fascinating book because it talks about a . While it is not always possible to end all communication, the author to be more mindful about the quality of your personal and professional relationships?. To learn more about whether or not your ex was a sociopath, click here: . survivors through the nightmare of sociopathic relationships from beginning to end. The Sociopath Next Door [Martha Stout] on pugliablog.info Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced.
In addition, our brains are continually changing based on our experiences, what we eat, and so on. At the end of the day, behavior is what matters. We need to look at their behavior, then adjust accordingly. The reason there is no cure for sociopathy, is because a person has to want to change.
And the biggest driver of change that any of us experience is pain from our current actions. Only when we experience enough pain are we then motivated to do something different. Not to mention that many sociopaths are also sadistic, and tend enjoy the pain and suffering that they cause others, as well as seeing how much they can get away with, and duping others along the way.
In short, their behavior is often fun for them. Sociopaths tend to only enter therapy when it is court appointed, or when there is secondary gain to be had. And if they do enter therapy, it is not for them to get better—they may talk about their childhood and so on, but because they do not experience guilt or remorse, and their lives always work for them, they generally do not see a real reason to change.
They may manipulate and use the therapist to help in continuing to victimize their target, or as an audience if they are going to therapy alone. Whether that be profession, education, title, age, gender, religion, birth order, etc. What they found is that the test subjects giving the shocks would continue to follow directions and shock the other person even if the other person was crying out in extreme pain.
The result is that authority puts conscience to sleep. This is how group think happens, and how evil at a mass level is allowed to continue. Sociopaths manipulate in a wide variety of ways. The two biggest ways they manipulate are through charm and pity. Appeal to sympathy is their largest ploy to keep their target roped in. So charm lures the target into their game, and pity keeps them there. See their behavior for what it is, not what you hope it could be.
Go with your instincts. Insults you with a condescending, joking sort of attitude. Smirks when you try to express yourself.
Teasing becomes the primary mode of communication in your relationship. They subtly belittle your intelligence and achievements. If you point this out, they call you hypersensitive and crazy. Uses social networking to provoke jealousy and rivalries while maintaining their cover of innocence.
They once focused all of their attention on you, but now they post ambiguous videos and statuses to make you doubt your place in their heart. They bait previously denounced exes with old songs and inside jokes. They attend to new activity and ignores yours. You find yourself playing detective. Same with their ex. Surrounds themselves with former lovers and potential mates.
In Taiwan the incidence of antisocial personality disorder is only 0. This could not be due to a genetic factor. The 'me-first' attitude encouraged in the US favors many of the traits of psychopathy more than group centered cultures like Japan. And she talks briefly here in The Sociopath Next Door about the idea that having emotion-less killers as warriors is useful in times of war.
Accept that people without a conscience exist When your instincts differ from the information you are receiving from someone in a particular role, trust your instincts Rule of 3. Question authority, especially if everyone around you has stopped doing it.
Flattery can get you to do dangerous things. Even whole nations have been flattered into going to war! Don't confuse respect with fear. Those who use fear to gain allegiance are typically con artists Don't play their game. Trying to explain, understand or control a sociopath is a waste of time. Break off all contact. And don't automatically be polite all the time. If someone treats you badly, you don't have to politely accept it.
Sociopaths make huge use of this reflex of ours to continue to exploit us. Only give second, third and fourth chances to people who have a conscience. Never agree to help a sociopath to hide their true nature. The only way for people to protect themselves is to recognize sociopaths. People deserve to be warned more than the sociopath deserves to have you keep their secrets. It can be powerful in manipulating others, but it's not true. Don't allow sociopaths to tell you you are a failure or that humanity is a failure.
Most people have a conscience and most can love. He suggests that evolution is organized around survival of the fittest genes. Genes determine how people think and act and cause them to behave in ways that maximize their genes in the gene pool. We therefore tend to be more selfless with our parents and siblings than with strangers. And we are especially selfless with our children.
Helping our family to survive allows the genes we share to proliferate. What makes us selfless?
- Top 7 Takeaways from “The Sociopath Next Door” by Martha Stout
Our conscience, of course! It …"makes sure we do not ignore the extra little packages of our genetic material that just happen to be walking around on feet other than ours". She then examines the origin of conscience, considering gender and culture. The Sociopath Next Door points out that sociopaths tend to self destruct. If one robs, deceives and abuses enough people, eventually some of them begin to gang up on you.
But there are other problems for them too. Boredom, not frequent in normal adults, is very frequent in sociopaths and leads them into drug and alcohol abuse. They may be hypochondriacs, aware of every little thing about their body. They have an aversion to sustained work, the true key to sustained success. There may be brief enthusiastic periods where they get fired up about something, but just as suddenly interest is lost. They are lousy team players.
Relationships are built on lies and deceit and often don't last. The sociopath tends to be impulsive, short-sighted, doesn't learn from mistakes, often makes poor decisions and eventually expires of boredom, financial ruin or a bullet.
The Sociopath Next Door - A detailed review
But the best thing about having a conscience? The ability to love! In The Sociopath Next Door Stout references a study of 23 'moral exemplars', people with lots of conscience and they were found to share 3 characteristics, certainty - clarity about what is right and a desire to act on this positivity - optimism, enjoyment of their work despite the circumstances and unity of self and moral goals - a sense of self tied up with their moral stance.
The Sociopath Next Door - Chapter 12 A quick look at different cultures and religions, all of whom have the same idea of treating others as you want to be treated. Stout says that conscience seems to be what holds humanity together and allows us to be happy and live fulfilling lives. A few suggestions The Sociopath Next Door is an easy read written by someone who has studied the victims rather than the sociopaths.
Personally I would have liked to read more case histories in The Sociopath Next Door, more examples of what happens in a relationship with a sociopath. And I have to say that I disagree that the best alarm signal is the 'pity play'.
I do agree that when sociopaths are found out that they play the victim role very well. They certainly seek pity then and use it to continue the manipulation and domination.
But by then it's too late.